Folks, I recently found this ad for a new polo club. Here is the full text:
Super-Fabulous Polo Club -- On the cutting edge of polo
Super-Fabulous Polo Club, which opened its polo fields on April 1st, 2014, is the ONLY polo club in the world to offer its patrons and club members the opportunity to play in 40-goal polo. The opportunity is so rare, so very exceptional, that we choose to call it 41-goal polo.
First, a few words about the unique aspects of our club. SFPC caters only to the most discerning polo players. We offer unsurpassed service. In fact, the level of service is such that we do not have a club manager; we have a concierge.
All of our paid members are automatically assigned a handicap of one (note: higher handicaps can also be arranged; please contact the concierge). This will save members the hassle of having to call the polo association to have their handicaps raised.
Leagues: We've taken a page out of the playbook of the most successful polo clubs out there and offer both high-goal, super-high goal and out-of-this-world-high-goal polo to our members.
High-Goal and Super-High Goal: Our league for the less experienced players calls for teams with a 16-goal handicap, and our experienced players can join the 31-goal league, which, as the level implies, requires the patron to hire three 10-goal players. As a cost-saving measure given the current economy, only a minimum professional handicap of 5-goal is required, as the handicap of professional players can be temporarily increased to 10 for purposes of the league (note: professional temporary handicaps are not recognized by the sport's governing body, but are officially recognized by all of our professional spectators). As with many other clubs, we do not allow professionals to ride off, hook or otherwise disturb the patrons in their efforts to hit, tap, swing at, or otherwise be in the vicinity of the ball. Our professionally trained umpires have been instructed not to call fouls on patrons. Finally, we guarantee that the words "fabulous", "marvelous", "magnificent", "super-terrific" or words of each patron's choosing will be used to describe the patron's prowess in at least two online and one paper polo-news site. The whole world will know that our patrons play 16- and 31-goal polo.
Out-Of-This-World-High Goal Polo: Only available to our Prestige Members, this is a unique opportunity for our patrons to experience 40-goal polo. For this league, patrons are required to each hire four actual 10-goal professional players, one of whom will act as the patron's double. The games are scheduled on our main field, and we guarantee a crowd of at least 5,000. Champagne and a light lunch are served field side, so that 3 of the professionals from each team and the two patrons can mingle with the crowd while wearing their polo outfits. When it is finally time for the game, the players mount up and ride their horses through a cordoned off aisle that goes right through the crowd, while grooms carry their helmets – the patron's faces will be fully visible to all. As soon as they reach the field, they put the helmets back on, and canter (or walk/trot if cantering is not an option for the patron), to the other side of the field and behind the large scoreboard. Once there and hidden from view, the patrons dismount and allow their 10-goal doubles to mount their horses. The players then go on the field and give the spectators an incredible polo experience. The patrons get to vicariously experience the thrill of playing 40-goal polo, the wind against their double's face, the exhilaration felt by the double as he gallops down the field amid so many other 10-goalers, and, most importantly, the complete and sincere admiration of the crowd, all from the relative safety of the lounge area that has been set up for them behind the scoreboard. This is truly more than 40-goal polo; this is 41-goal polo! After the game, the patrons and three professional players from each team are allowed to go back and mingle with the crowd. The doubles are kindly asked to remain behind the scoreboard to avoid confusion among the spectators.
At Super Fabulous Polo Club, we've taken the age-old polo question: "If a polo player plays a game but nobody is there to watch, did he really play polo?" and turned it into: "If a polo player did not play polo, but everyone saw him play polo, isn't that just a lot easier?"